OBRFC 3Xv v Midsomer Norton IVXv

Old Bristolians 3s v Midsomer Norton 4s

It’s a mark of the season so far that it has taken until 7th November for the 3s to play their first ‘proper’ match of the season. At some point during the day I heard captain, Myers, telling one of the Midsomer boys that we had won 2 and lost one, before adding that the 2 we won were because the oppo couldn’t raise a team and the one we lost was because we couldn’t raise one!

Actually we have officially won another because we played a Baa Baas style side v Walcot during the RWC, but even that may not count as we didn’t have an society ref. So it was with some relief that I trotted out to warm up on Saturday. The morning hadn’t been the most clement and when I read a text from Swarthy Welsh stalwart, Rob Hopkins, saying, ‘is the game still on? Russ has cancelled for less?’ it suggested he was not fancying an afternoon in the mud very much. Happily, Russ has now handed grounds-manning duties over to his son, who doesn’t seem quite as precious over the Failand grass and both 1s and 3s were granted the all clear.

My warm feeling that this was a true 3rd team match was cemented by being introduced to a new player whilst having a p1ss and then in seeing perennial site of a crest fallen player hobbling out of the warm up having done something nasty during touch. The unfortunate, looked like a new player who had moved to Bristol from Hoxton judging by his bushy beard and silly hair, but as he drew nearer I recognised him to be our very own fixture sec, Llewelyn Pickering. Poor Llew was not in a good state and a definite none starter, which meant we would be men down but at least curbed the Welsh ratio which was edging dangerously high with Tan, new boys Tom and James along with a rejuvenated Ben Jones also on duty.

With Llewellyn out we only had 11 men warming up and MSN were now trooping across as well. A nervous Myers asked how many were in the changing rooms. When I told him, just Rob the Tan, he charged off in a panic shouting back that he needed to make some phone calls. I don’t think this was meant as a slight to Tan, rather the disbelief that an assortment of odds and sods picked up in La Rocca and on WhatsApp the previous night had failed to make an appearance. Welcome to 3s captaincy Myers.

Thankfully Smudge was due to arrive 10 minutes before kick off and Giddings had arrived an hour ago and had been hiding in the clubhouse trying to avoid getting wet. So we were able to start with 14 against a side who were gaining players all the time and played 70 minutes of the match with 15 men. By then we had already scored 3 tries, with some of the most accurate wet weather rugby I have seen from an OBs team. No-one wants to hear about details of what happened on pitch but for the record, we dominated in all areas with our 7 man scrum going forward, Trevor having a blinder in the lineout and our two man back row of Smudge and Tom destroying the MSN triumvirate, which included the big number 8, William, who had given the 2s some trouble a few week’s ago, but also had prompted the ref to warn us not to antagonise. In the backs, despite atrocious conditions for handling, there was some great stuff played and tries came thick and fast.

Highlights were, Myers pick-pocketing William, Johnners style, at the back of a scrum and running half the length to score, Rob the Tan unveiling a new party trick after his ghost pass last month; the Welsh cross kick, which twice saw Sam Richardson running on unopposed before butchering both chances (ie not passing to me) with the line begging (to be fair to Sam he had a stormer playing at lock rather than his usual wing. He later confessed to previously being a number 8. Well done on

keeping that quiet); my personal highlight was a try that I later described as coming straight from the training field if any of us ever went training. We won a lineout on the 22. Hit the ball up the middle, cleaned out and took on 2 more phases before Falloon was able to go over with the defence struggling to get round.

It was a most enjoyable afternoon and it felt great being back in a genuine 3s again, playing some great stuff. In fairness Midsomer Norton weren’t the strongest opposition we will face, but credit to them for managing to raise four teams in an area decimated by a series of murders, as documented in a popular TV documentary series.

Post match everyone agreed how much fun it had been and pledged to make them selves available for next week to try and get some momentum going. This team solidarity lasted all of 3 minutes until we got back to the changing room and Myers looked for a volunteer to wash the shirts. Suddenly no one was available next week and a full availability listed petered out into single figures.

Smudge also ruled himself out with a torn bicep and he is muttering about retirement. ‘I always said I would give up once I was broken,’ he stated, but Smudge has been broken in more matches than Tiny’s had hot dinners, so I’m not sure we’ve seen the last of him yet.

The clubhouse was a jovial place, especially as news of the 2s victory meant that we had our first clean sweep of the season. It was great to see some former 3s stalwarts playing a key role in the 1s victory over Barton Hill. Colton, Leachy, Marshy and Coughlin have all featured heavily down the club in the past and it’s a great credit to them and the coaches that they have nailed down places in the 1sts. The opposite can be said for poor Barton Hill, who were once front running bully boys of Weston Counties and now languish near the bottom. Shane suggested that this was due to competition for players from Whitehall just up the road and I guess it’s true that there are only a certain number of people in Bristol who want to play in dog sh1t every other week. Hopefully they will turn things around soon.

3 more matches next week and hopefully we can get just a few more men available, so each team can have a couple of subs. It was great to see some new faces last week and I understand there are a number more around at training and in the 2s. Myers was telling me about a mysterious man mountain who was playing games up the club despite never having played rugby before. I asked Whitman who this might be and he wasn’t sure but suggested it sounded like Sam Burgess. If you recognise yourself as this player, please bolt yourself down to one position and don’t replace a club regular before swanning off to Australia next year.

See you next week

Old Bristolians 3s 55-0 Midsomer Norton IVs

Tries (I think): Myers 3, Tom 2, Falloon, Dunton, Wilson-Tancock, Richardson

Cons: Myers 5

BoH: Those various players who didn’t show up; Giddings for hiding inside during the warm up, Sam Richardson for try butchery twice (and at my expense!), all those who refused to wash the shirts, Johnners for having the ball ripped from him in same way as William did in this game, last season,

DotD: Llew for being caught by the Failand sniper 5 minutes into the warm up. Classic 3s.

MotM: This could genuinely have gone to anyone in the team but Myers awarded it to Sam Wilson Tancock for some direct running and kamikaze tackling. Special mention to Smudge. If this was his last game, he finished on a high.