Bristol Barbarians 2s v Old Bristolians 2s

Just two league fixtures in February for the 2nds this year and on paper two similar opponents, both mid table but with some recent improvements in results (1) so no cause for complacency as we looked to continue our good start to 2016.

We also enjoyed the relative peace and quiet of Hamblett being marooned in Cape Town. I don’t suppose anyone on Facebook has noticed that he’s out there, or that he apparently saw a stripper whilst on a Stag Night? So with our leader absent, Runkle saw us through these potential banana skins.

As it turned out the matches were fairly similar but if we thought the conditions were tricky for the Walcot match we were in for a nasty shock this weekend. In fact the Walcot game delivered few major points of interest. We put in a disciplined display, kept the visitors off the score sheet but needed a bit of chivvying to get some urgency into our play in the second half to secure the try bonus point. After the match a number of us stayed to watch the very entertaining Wales v Scotland game and were puzzled to see members of the crowd waving green scarves saying ‘CONVERT!’ We really couldn’t work out why anyone would buy such a garment. Who did they support? When in any situation in life would such a scarf come in useful? Eventually, after the conversation had inevitably moved on to how moribund Olly Gaudion’s life has become (2), Sam Richardson thought of a use for the scarf. Whittle can wave it at him on the numerous occasions when he brings an internet date home but fails to....

As hinted at, this Saturday it was all about the weather. We were playing away on the ground that some will remember from the days of the Bristol Baa Baas preseason tournament. Of course in August the rural setting is very pleasant and the ground is an enjoyable place to sup a cider amongst the fields and the livestock. This weekend it was more reminiscent of the Somme. I arrived (on time for a change) and had to battle a hurricane to get from the car park into the Ashley Downesque changing rooms. Only HRD had beaten me in and we spent about 20 minutes putting the world to rights before some footballers came in and told us we were in the wrong changing rooms.

By this stage most of the rest of the team had arrived but no one was getting changed with much enthusiasm. Whittle was imploring Urry to do a ‘chalkboard’ warm up, whilst Chilman was getting Tim to wrap and rewrap his troublesome shoulder time after time. In fairness to The Big Chill, the first effort was put on so tight that it made his arm go purple after 2 minutes. Someone asked whether Tim had done this before. ‘Well no but I’ve watched a video.’ The evenings must fly by in the Hodgson household.
Worryingly, the sight of Chilman getting trussed up reminded Sam Richardson of the time when he had to take precautions before playing due to his nipple ring. ‘It used to be terrible,’ he reminisced,’ I would get into all the wrong body positions making tackles, just so I wouldn’t brush the ring. It was agony.’

Even by OB’s standards this was pretty desperate chat, but it got worse as Youll and Cornelius started worrying about how cold it would be in the outside backs. This allowed us to run through the repertoire of things Ollie Pool used to do to stay warm out on the wing: wear a jumper under his shirt, wear a woolly hat under his scrum cap and most notoriously, on an especially wet and cold day, hot legging himself.

Slightly ironically all our tries were scored by the back 3 and Sam Richardson, who missed out, should have scored twice, having a legitimate effort ruled out as the ref couldn’t see the ball (lose weight Sam (3)) and then dropping the ball over the line near the end after we had spent seemingly dozens of phases trying to batter our way over the line for the bonus point score. Thankfully, off the last play of the match, the Baa Baas drop out went to HRD, who ran straight through the middle of the chasers before chipping over the cover and touching down to secure the extra point.

Before all of this, we had played some good, controlled rugby, with the driving maul to the fore and ‘school boy’ being the most effective backs move by far, due to the lack of passed required in the hurricane force storm. It was responsible for our first two tries and a comfortable 12-0 lead at half time.

By the second half we had got more used to the strengthening gale and managed to play in the Baas Baas 22 for much of the half, mainly by kicking towards the posts and allowing the wind to take the ball across into the corner for a lineout. These became a bit of a lottery to say the least, with one memorable throw in by Stubbsy going from the 10 metre line into the 22!

Meanwhile the Baa Baa kickers were struggling. Despite immense amounts of concentration and coaching they still kicked in the same direction as normal and usually ended up with a net gain of 4 yards. On the other side of the pitch Callum Broady put in a kick which, on any other day, would have bothered the cattle in the neighbouring field, only for it to swing in, take the defence by surprise and give us our third try.

It was certainly a different type of match and at the end, we were grateful to come away with a clean sheet (4) and a full set of points.

Unfortunately, due to the location of the Baas Baas ground it wasn’t worth me heading back to Clifton for beers, so I can’t report on the evening’s activities. The previous week it seems that I missed an interesting night in the life of our new centre, Tom Jenner. It sounds that like all GCMs he was keen to ingratiate himself to his new team-mates, especially Tom Chilman. In the end though, he was left to do an impression of Ollie Pool on the wing on a particularly cold and wet day. Strong start Tom! Keep it up!

(1) The fixture list has deemed that we always play the side who have just had a fixture against Old Culverhaysians, so we invariably are always playing a team who has had a recent uplift in form!
(2) He was recently seen leaving a football match at Ashton Gate on his own.
(3) In a poll before the match (chalkboard session), left wing, Sam, was found to be the heaviest man in the team that day!
(4) Fourth clean sheet out of 5 this year.

Bristol Barbarians 2nds 0-22 Old Bristolians 2nds
Tries: Rob Davies 2, Alex Cornelius 2
Cons: Urry
MotM: I’m not sure who Runkle gave this to, but good performances all round, with the front deserving on special praise, so perhaps, Stubbsy? (Editor: I think this is Jamie Snudden)

BoH: Sam Richardson for bad posture due to nipple ring. Sam Richardson for being the heaviest player in the team. The forwards for letting our wing be the heaviest player on the team. Urry for wasting time bothering to try for the final conversion into the wind, Stubbsy for most crooked lineout throw I’ve ever seen and it was to the opposition’s side! Various footballers from Bristol for blocking our cars in after the match, Hamblett for seemingly spending most of his dream holiday to South Africa on Facebook.
DotD: Sam Richardson got the shirts this week, I think due to dropping the ball over the line. It did lead to our final try in a way though, so technically an assist. (Editor: Yarker for creating Stubbsy).