Old Bristolians 2s v Stothert & Pitt 2s

You could say that the 2s have been consistently inconsistent this season. Having put in the best performance for many a year against WSM a few week’s ago we have managed to lose to Nailsea & Backwell, dominate OCs and a force 9 gale in Bath, but then take a bit of a battering of our own against Old Reds.

Therefore, there was a genuine sense of nervousness as we congregated on Saturday for the last match of the year. In fact there was an absolute absence of changing room chat apart from HRD’s fairly lame report for the Somerset II ‘coffee to go’ league- (Nick and Lisa score highly for taste and value if anyone is interested). Once we heard the frivolities of our opponents in the next door changing room, Ben Watford implored Whittle to give us a story about something from his week to get us going as well. Even then Whittle shook his head and said that nothing had happened all week. One or two in the club who had received panicked phone calls on Wednesday night begged to differ and soon Jonathan was regaling us with a tale of how on a work Christmas outing to Woods off Park St, he got on the wrong side of the owner’s son. It would appear that this was a case of mistaken identity as he kept referring to our hero as ‘the minder’ (despite the fact that Whittle was decked out in his de rigueur shorts and flip flops). Apparently he assigned a heavy to ensure that Whittle didn’t leave and started grilling him about where he lived and why he was trying to "f*ck up [his] Dad’s business". Whittle, despite having drunk a fair few wines by this point, was getting a bit nervous to say the least, so as soon as the heavy went for a toilet break he legged it as fast as he could (not very) all the way home and spent the next hour frantically phoning everyone on his address book in a bid to get hold of Tom Tooth [OBs' resident police officer]. Luckily Tristan was on hand with the message saved to play the full rendition and Whittle did sound genuinely petrified. If you see Tris or one of the others Whittle phone4d, ask for a listen; it is both disturbing and hilarious but not in the way Whittle’s stories normally are. The worst thing is that there must be some hardcore gangster roaming Bristol looking like Whittle and wearing shorts and flip flops in December.

Feeling much more relaxed we headed out for a warm up onto a pitch that was still in fantastic nick despite another morning of rain. Well done Gareth aka New Russ! The pre-match warm up took the usual form from both sides, of huddles, quiet 5s, squeezes etc. and it was really bubbling nicely for kick off. But as the anticipation reached fever pitch and all players were primed ready to smash into each other, our hapless skipper was standing under the window of the clubhouse doing a bad impression of Shakespeare’s Romeo to a confused Juliet (Lisa) above, trying to signify that we needed a pump for the ball. It left everyone feeling a bit like Spinal Tap when they lose the stage.

Thankfully once we got going, OBs put in a Dr Jekyll performance this week, taking control from the start into the wind and scoring a couple of early tries. On the downside the first went to Hamblett. Returning student, Jamie Duncan, summed up the mood of the team saying ‘there were 4 or 5 players who could have run that in and of course it has to go the HIM!’ Before adding ‘don’t get me wrong, I’m glad we scored..’ although his expression begged to differ.

The second was a push over, which was due reward for the scrum, who dominated throughout despite (or maybe because of) having 3 hookers.

We were also treated to having a former Bristol and Clifton player as ref. John ‘Jocky’ Carr had apparently played with Giddings and Max in the past and taught Jamie Duncan as well. This didn’t help us as he was scrupulously fair and even threatened to reverse every single decision against Tim Hodson if the scrum half gave any more lip. There was also a certain amount of inevitability after last week’s fiasco with the 1s, that an extra ref showed up this week, having had a last minute cry off, and ran the line.

This proved very handy in the end as our one sub, Tristan, had to come on midway through the first half when Rob the Tan showed his ‘trick of the week’ to be a text book demonstration of how to be attacked by the Failand sniper. We had just cleared into the wind and as the S&P full back had gathered and started to run the ball back, a chasing Tan seemed to the have everything under control. Suddenly he went down like (a darker) Derrick Redmond and the S&P 15 happily waltzed round him towards our line. It was only some very desperate defending that prevented the try but it did allow Stothert to get on the score sheet with a pen.

Thankfully we scored a couple of times ourselves before the break, Urry knocked over a penalty just before half time and we also had the ‘try machine’ Fowler on the right wing now. Sure enough, 10 minutes into the 2nd half he took a sumptuous line off HRD to crash over in the corner for his 11th try in 3 matches! Sadly that will be his last try for quite some time as he snapped his Achilles whilst scoring, so his London Marathon attempt is looking a bit suspect as well.

The touch judge declined our suggestion that he should leave his flag and come on for the remainder of the match, so we finished with 14 men, but still dominated with the wind behind. In fact you would only know that we had a back 2 at one point deep into the half where Stothert stole a turn over and hacked up field where only Jamie Duncan was patrolling. The rest of us decided to put the last 10% of energy into screaming at him to hurry back. Disaster was averted and Stothert actually only managed to cross our line from the last play of the game. To be fair to them, they probably deserved something from the game as they had stuck at it well but came up against us close to top form. Indeed there were some superb tries scored by Hughes, Duncan and Parkinson in his first score for the club. The shine was taken off this feat when we discovered that rather than being a fresh faced 20 year old, he is in fact a fresh faced 30 year old. This immediately takes the ‘easy paper round’ mantel from Hodson and made Whittle announce that he would have to ‘think about someone else whilst having [personal time], as it would be dirty otherwise’ before apologising to Jamie and re-assuring him that there is ‘no-one else.’

Well done to both 1s and 2s for finishing the year on such a high. The club appears to be in good health looking at the league tables, if only we could manage to regularly get out a 3s. We had to call off this time with just 2 ‘maybes’ on the team sheet.
Have a good Christmas one and all. See you on the ‘painful 2nd.’

Old Bristolians 2s 52-10 Stothert & Pitt 2s
Tries: Hamblett, Watford, Hughes 3, HRD, Fowler, Duncan, Parkinson
Cons: Urry 2
Pen: Urry
BoH: HRD for poor tunnelling (came in after a couple Stothert players), Parkinson for reverse jail-baiting Whittle, Hodson for encoring the wrath of a Bristol legend, Tan for continuing to be the Failand Sniper’s prime target, Whittle for living out the screen play to ‘Mickey Blue Eyes’ in real life, Tristan for tempting the rugby gods by scoring too many tries.
DotD: Hamblett for ball pump fiasco.
BOP: Guy Hughes, who was on fire through out the match in both attack and defence. Well played. Now get fitter!